1-Things we liked.

2-Things we less than liked.

3-Things we learned.

1- Likes

Americans!

One of the most wonderful things about America was its people. Yes we felt that some of those with the exaggerated stereotypical ‘Murican traits were annoying as fuck, but really, on the whole, most of the folk we met were nice. Decent folk, although we may have differed on some opinions, they were generally polite in their own way, generous and extended plenty of love and kindness our way.

America

Such a beautiful country, so much diversity, so vast. Our trip was a paultry effort at exploration compared to what it warrants. Hopefully we’ll get to explore more when we can.

Tater Tots

Fucking blinding.

Grilled Cheese sandwiches

See above, with the added delight of greasy cheesyness.

Laurie at the Comfort Inn in Seattle

She’s a star.

New York.

New York!

Byron the ‘Gator Guy.

The gators were super cool, the fan boat was uber ace. Byron was the Man.

Welcome Centres

When you pass in to a state and they have Welcome Centres. There is usually someone there who knows exactly where to walk and spot wildlife (although found no moose nor bear!). Some even offer coffee free or at a voluntary donation. One even had a rocket, like a real proper space rocket.. The best we found were in Vermont and New Hampshire.

Cape Cod

Moby Dick Country, nuff said.

Friends

Going around seeing long-not.seen folk was awesome. The world turns on friendship and long may it do so.

Root Beer

Tastes like the dentist. Delicious. They even have some chewing gum kind of thing, normally Ice related that also reminds me of Root Beer. Equally delicious.

Gan Shan Station

Read the revue. Immense.

2-Less Likey

‘Muricans!

Yes those overly loud, brash, self important bellends who think they do everything best but in fact do quite the opposite. Fucks.

Roads

American roads are shit. Too big (although too small, see below). Too messy, I have never seen so much roadkill and bits of tyre and wreckage. It is somewhat astounding.

American Cars

Too fucking big, only ever carry one person. Ridiculous. The traffic of giant engined trucks lining up clogging the enormo highways to carry their oversized single occupant to work, choking the world with every splutter of their shit engines.

Oversized

Following on from the last point. EVERYTHING IS GINORMOUS. Coffees. Meals. Cars. Roads. Cities. Houses. PEOPLE. It seems America isn’t happy until it does everything bigger (and not usually better) than the rest of the world.

Rubbish

The amount of disposable shit that was everywhere sickened us. Every breakfast, coffee house, restaurant had some sort of unnecessary waste. I don’t get how happy everyone is to just use plastic wraps to wrap something already wrapped in plastic up, and then put it in a shiny plastic packet. Mind numbing. It leads to my next point.

Litter

Be it in the city, or be it in the Grand Canyon or anywhere else, there is a fuckton of that disposable stuff everywhere.

Tipping

I have long worked in service, I am definitely not averse to tipping, just the American way of doing it. Tipping is a gratuity, not part of the price. Fucking restaurant owners should pay their staff appropriately, not pass the buck and add a hidden cost to the patron. Price the menu accordingly and pay the staff properly. You fucks.

Christian Radio

I have no issue with Christians, or Christianity, so long as it lets everyone be themselves without condemnation and doesn’t play blind to solid fact science. These stations however hurt my head and my heart with their rhetoric and often their condescending tone toward the non-believer. Many of their messages are hugely contradictory but just said fast enough and often enough, occasionally loud enough, more often than not in old fashioned English, to make it sound authoritative and more authentic. If you buy that shit, you are a fool, and likely a poor one paying for some more godly man than yours’ opulent life.

They Elected an anti-human fucktard with no morals for the next president

I don’t care for the politics. I happen to know a lot about the politics but it is not worth the discourse. Simply put, people picked a vacuous PT Barnum character to rule them, for a change, or to make America great again or whatever. The guy is a soul less morally corrupt egotist with no desire to see anyone right or stick to his pledges and hasn’t even the gumption to even entertain the notion that the presidency will be his job and those people advising him ought be listened to. America. You fucked up. And we could all die as a result.

3- Lessons Learned

Americans like churches

In some areas, we entered into places that had virtually no people, but 7 churches. One street I saw started with a church, next to another church. Two houses up a church and up the street acroos the road, another. No wonder they love their Jesus.

Alligators aren’t vicious

No that would be the crocodiles. Byron said you can swim in the bayou there, the gators wont bite…they ain’t crocs.

Don’t start an 8 hour hike at 1.30pm

Quite obvious really

Always take a head torch

See above.

Frost in a beard isn’t pleasant

Exactly what it says.

They have some fucked up signs

No really. They do. I saw one for a BYOB strip club…that place can’t make money. A seventh day adventist hospital…which I can only imagine is a very big prayer room. A sign for a road called Zzyzx. Who the fuck called that road that, and how do you even start at pronouncing it? They are a mere snippet.

Someone thought it would be a smart idea to put an international gold storage facility opposite a max security prison

No really, they did that, can’t remember where, but literally right opposite. Talk about casing a joint.

Americans fucking love guns

It’s a true thing, and you can’t tell them that a gun free society works, because they’ll call you a commie, a terrorist or a denier of liberty for doing so. They will also try and tell you that you have been hoodwinked by the media and are a drone, or something along those lines. They will often ask for evidence, then when you mention UK, Australia, most of Europe, they tell you you are wrong. The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good one…that kind of shit.

No matter how nice and decent people are, they can live by their fears and their conscious and subconscious prejudices, and in doing so fuck it up big time

See who they elected and why. And don’t try and tell me it was a vote for a change for a guy like us who speaks his mind. That is a motherfucking cop out.

There is way more, but I am not of a mind to think about it.

America was great. I liked it. You might not think it from what I just wrote, but it’s true, we loved it. We loved the people, despite our differences of opinion, and surely that is what the world is about, or should be. Think differently, discuss, move on in a better way for everyone.

The end.